By Paul Phipps-Williams, Birmingham Wedding Photographer

What to Do If You Hate Having Your Photo Taken (But Still Want Wedding Photos You Actually Love)

If you’ve spent the last six months untagging yourself in photos, this is for you.

We’ve all been there. I look like a fat man from Wallace and Gromit in most photos. The thought of someone standing there with a camera making me smile brings back memories of Chandler Bing in a studio.

So why do we get the Sunday Scaries about wedding photos? Why does it bring the fear of god into us, and why does finding the right photographer for camera-shy couples feel so hard?

First: you’re not actually camera-shy

Right, let’s deal with this one up front.

You’re not camera-shy. You’ve a camera in your pocket. You’re performance-shy. There’s a difference, and it matters.

The reason we’re happy for our mates to take our photo on a night out is that it’s just us being natural. We’re having a laugh, and we want that moment to randomly pop up on its anniversary in five years’ time to remind us of it.

What you’re actually afraid of is forcing that natural moment and being asked to perform a version of yourself you don’t recognise. Act like a model. Smise. Smise harder!

Fuck that.

That’s not camera-shyness. That’s a completely rational response to bad photography.

The good news: that’s entirely avoidable. The not-so-good news: plenty of photographers don’t have the skills to put you at ease, because they’ve never really thought about why you’re worried in the first place.

What “natural wedding photography” actually means

You’ve probably seen dozens of websites selling “natural, documentary-style photography.” Most of them aren’t telling the whole truth.

Natural doesn’t happen by accident. It happens because the photographer has a specific method for getting you there. Like every story has a director, good camera-shy wedding photography has someone quietly guiding the journey behind the scenes.

Here’s what it actually requires:

No long pose lists. We’re not doing the cover of Vanity Fair. Editorial shots look great on Instagram. Less great if you want to remember how you actually felt.

Movement instead of stillness. The best unposed photos come from giving people something to do. Walk here, show me your hands, lean in and have a laugh. When your body has a job, your face relaxes. Standing still and smiling directly at a camera is the single hardest thing to make look natural. Remember Chandler Bing.

Short sessions, not long ones. A lot of photographers schedule one long couple portrait session. I do two or three short ones across the day. Fifteen minutes here, ten minutes there. You don’t have time to get in your head, and you don’t get knackered. You go back to the party and pop back when the light is banging.

A photographer who’s comfortable with quiet. Not every moment needs narrating. Sometimes the best thing I can do is shut up, step back, and let a moment happen.

If a photographer can’t explain specifically what they do with camera-shy couples, that’s your answer.

“He was not in any way intrusive to the day and yet somehow managed to take multiple ‘natural’ shots throughout the day. He made suggestions where appropriate, but mostly went with the flow.”

Jake Meyers, wedding client

The engagement shoot: not just for Instagram

If wedding photos are the thing you’re properly dreading, here’s the one tip that changes everything.

The engagement shoot is practice. It’s the one chance you get to be in front of a camera before your wedding day, without any of the pressure.

Here’s the thing about wedding days: the first time you’re in front of a camera is usually about an hour after you’ve got married. You’ve just had the biggest emotional experience of your life, you’re surrounded by everyone you love, you’ve got a timeline to hit, and someone wants you to stand in a field and look natural.

Let’s get all that stress out of the way first.

We’ll go somewhere you like. We’ll have a laugh. I’ll show you a few things that make the whole process click, and before you know it the fear’s gone. Your wedding day comes around, I give you a wink, and you flow.

“Paul travelled to an area local to us to do an engagement shoot. This acted as a dress rehearsal for the wedding, and was a fantastic experience. Paul was patient with us whilst we shook off our nerves, and showed us how to pose a few different ways.”

Jake Meyers, wedding client

What happens on the day

Let me walk you through it, so you can see where the photography fits and how it works.

Before the ceremony. I’m making friends with your mates and probably hugging your mum. This is my time to quietly catch the small stuff – the little details you’ll end up forgetting, the soft moments before everything kicks off. You’re surrounded by your people, not on show. My job is to stay out of the way and catch it.

Ceremony. My favourite photo is of a groom’s mother looking at him as he waits for his bride. My job is the moments you don’t even notice. You get married. I’ll take photos that remind you how it felt.

Right after. Your people, together, probably for the only time in your lives. And then – ten minutes to breathe. I’ll take you somewhere quiet, away from everyone. A couple of photos of you, together, as a married couple, for the first time. Then back to your guests.

During drinks and food. If someone laughs, I want it. If someone does something silly, I’m there. If your dog’s being cute, I’m never leaving (always bring the dog).

Later in the day. I’ll grab you for another ten minutes when the light’s amazing. You’re relaxed, you’re a couple of drinks down, you’ve stopped performing for anyone. This is often where the best portraits happen.

Evening. Cake, first dance, general chaos. I stay until the dancing’s properly going, then I leave you to it.

Photography woven through the day, not dropped in as a big moment to be feared.

“We met for an introductory coffee, which was incredibly helpful in calming my nerves and worries. He explained everything in a clear and friendly manner — after the proposal he was amazing with my partner, really calmed her nerves and was very personable.”
Adam Dunn, proposal client

The conversation before everything else

Before anything else, I want to know what specifically worries you. WhatsApp me, drop me an email, whatever works.

Camera fear is specific. “I don’t know what to do with my hands” is a different problem to “I’ve never liked how I look in photos,” which is a different problem to “something went wrong at someone else’s wedding.” They all have different answers. I need to know which one is yours.

“He made us feel so comfortable when we were a little nervous about our photos being taken. He was careful to talk through with us beforehand what we wanted.”

Simeon & Emily, wedding clients

What you don’t have to do

Essentially, nothing you don’t want to. It’s your day – screw the rules if you want.

But if you do want portraits, I’ll take the fear out of them.

The photo you’ll come back to in ten years isn’t the one where you nailed the pose. It’s the one where your best mate did something stupid in the background of the group shot. Where you both stood at the venue door afterwards, knackered and grinning, like you’d just rolled a natural 20 on the whole bloody day.

That’s the good stuff. Sod the rest.

“We are both very shy and nervous about being caught on camera – but Paul was very friendly, encouraging, and genuinely seemed to care about making us relaxed and comfortable. Our photos were absolutely perfect.”

Jake Meyers, wedding client

How to find a photographer who actually gets this

Beyond liking their portfolio, ask yourself:

Can they explain their method? “I make people feel relaxed” isn’t an answer. What do they actually do?

Do they frame the engagement shoot as practice? If so, they’ve thought properly about the camera-fear problem.

Does the enquiry process feel low-pressure? A photographer who understands anxious people designs their systems that way.

Do you feel relief reading their website? Not excitement. Actual proper relief, like you’ve found someone who just gets you.

Paul Phipps-Williams Photography – Wedding photography that feels like you. For the camera-shy, the gloriously geeky and the beautifully queer.